Okay girls.. are you ready for this??? down the good ol' highway of memories.. oh my.. what a highway we had.. now that I look at these e-mails.. Our highway is like route 2.. real real curvy.. LOL.. OH my.. you guys are in for it now.. It may take you days to read this though.. I saved all of these.. LOL

Love you girls!

Missy,
Look, I was having a HORRIBLE day yesterday with myparents making me feel like crap!! I was just not inthe mood and you made me feel bad that I couldn't goto ICT. I never asked you to go down there and yellat them. I don't want to work where you work, becauseI wouldn't feel comfortable at all. What's wrong withthat? I want to work at a place where I'll becomfortable, and I'm tired of hearing that I have tobe "reliable and dependable", which is why I'm notgoing to work where you do. My parents have been onmy ass all weekend, and I was about to cry when wewere talking, which is why I just said I'd talk to youlater and hung up. I didn't want to let anyone knowhow upset I was, and I didn't feel like talking aboutit. I'm just a horrible, unreliable person and Idon't think that I should be.....never mind. I'll gotomorrow if it's that important to you, but my momtold me not to go. I hope that you're not too mad atme. I just didn't want to cry and be all boo-hoo onthe phone.... Talk to ya' soon, I hope, Felic
P.S. I'm really sorry, but I know you're gonna' be mad. I'm just tired of feeling like a horrible person...

Felicity,
OK...You never asked me to go down there and yell atthem... but you know what??? THat shows that I careabout you and I was being a friend and making surethat everything was going ok for you because I knowhow upset you were about having to borrow money fromyour mom... THe ICT excuses I understood.. That'sfine.. If you can't stay up late because of yourmom... I totally understand that.. But the excuses youmade about the job I have were not understandable..I'm not mad.. I'm frustrated.. Lately, you haven'tbeen there for me as much.. I can't speak for Shann..but when we're going to go do something.. It's alwayscancelled at the last minute.. or you invite Amber..which is fine.. I wasn't mad.. but deep down, you knewwe didn't really get along.. I don't have a problemwith her a lot.. I just don't want to hang around withher because when I gave her a ride home in BFE whenshe was all sick and boo-hooey.. I was NOTHING butnice to her.. and I got bitched at.. I'm basing thaton one situation, but she doesn't like me.. and she'sbasing her feelings about me on one situation.. so.. Idon't feel bad for that at all.. I also don't feel badabout our conversation today.. You have always complained about not having a job andtaking money from your parents.. and not being able topitch in.. here was your opportunity.. My job is fromwhenever you get off from school till 9.. that isn'tlate.. and you were going to be working with me andNathan. which are two ppl you know.. so you can't feeluncomfortable.. and as far as the dependablilty thinggoes.. when you grow up in this world and get a job..you have to be responsible and be dependable.. that'sjust the way jobs work.. whether it's McDonald's or abusiness corporation.. and sometimes you have to docertain jobs you hate in order to survive in thisworld.. the world revolves around money.. and if youdon't have any.. you are highly limited oneverything.. I stayed at ICT forever.. I used to likeit.. but this past year I was sooooo fed up with it..I couldn't handle it.. I coudlnt' sell.. I got senthome.. I absolutely hated it to the point of tears allthe time.. but I stuck in there because I know if Iwanted to do anything.. I needed money cause myparents could help out a little bit.. but they weren'trich either.. I wouldn't get a lot of money.. but justenough for spending money till I found a job I liked..SO.. you have a lot of opportunities for a job.. and Iwon't hear you say you can't do anything because youhave no money.. I've been a friend and helped you gettwo jobs.. maybe you didnt' ask me too.. but I thoughI could help.. I'm sorry.. but you also have fast foodplaces that have had help wanted signs on them.. IFyou dont' want a job.. that's fine. .and it's not myproblem.. and I'm not mad at you for it.. I'm just nothearing you say you don't have money anymore.. I feltreally bad for the last 5 or 6 months when you didn'thave money and I didn't want you to ask your mom.. butfor the last few months.. everytime we have gone out..which isn't much lately... me and Shann have spliteverything.. and we felt bad for you. but I"m sorry..I can't anymore.. I want to be your friend.. and I'mgoing to be if your not too mad.. but I'm expressingmy opinions.. like I always do.. and I was justfrustrated that I tried to help.. and I get hung upon.. I feel like our friendship is dwindling becausewe plan something.. and at the last minute it doesn'thappen because you have an excuse.. I dont' think youra bad person.. I just think your undependable.. as aworker and a friend.. but I know how to deal with thatnow.. I still want you to hang out with me.. but Iwill know not to rely on the plan.. just get ready anddon't get your hopes set.. that's what you've led meto believe after months of the same situations.. Now.. if you get mad at me expressing my opinions..I'm sorry.. but it needed to be done.. and again, Ireiterate.. I'm not mad at you and I dont' think youra bad person.. and I never want you to think that..you my best friend.. and I hope you always will be.. Ijust wanted you to know what I think about an issue wewere having as friends.. SO.. hopefully I'll talk to you later..and I still love ya..
miss

Missy,
As far as I'm concerned you can bite my ass!! So youwent down and talked to them for me..that doesn't makeyou a good friend...just because I invited Amber overdid not mean anything....Shann couldn't come over, soI thought that Amber might want to....if you werereally a good friend you'd chill out..I tried to hangout with you this weekend and last, but Shann had toread her book and wanted to do it this weekend, thenshe was upset and YOU wanted to go over and comforther...I would've, but I was supposed to go and watchJimmy in the play, then by the time I talked to her,you had already made her feel better....so as far ascancelling plans, I don't feel I have to explain thatanymore...and I have been there for you...when youwere upset over Shann and what was going on betweenyou guys, I listened to you....the only problem is youguys only hang out with each other most of thetime....I don't always want to go...what's wrong withthat?? True friends don't base their friendship onhow often the other person wants to go and dostuff...I spend a lot of my time studying for school,because I'm not like Shann. SHe can go and run aroundall the time, never study, and get excellent grades. I can't do that. And about this whole jobthing....YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CONVINCED ME TO QUIT THEDAYCARE!!!! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE GREATEST IDEA ONTHE FACE OF THE PLANET....FOR ME AND SHANNON....So,what difference does it make to you? The reason Idon't want to go your job is because I would beuncomfortable with the work situation...I wouldn'tlike the way the people act towards each other,because I'm not that outgoing...besides, if I'm sounreliable why would you want me to go workthere....all I know is, if you would've asked me whyI'm not in a hurry to get a job, I would've told you. My parents told me that I could wait until thissummer, because I'm babysitting....you're not a truefriend if you can't understand what I'm tellingyou....for you to sit there and tell me that I'm anunreliable worker and friend.....you have no idea( asfar as work goes) what has happened!!!! You can kissmy ass if you don't understand that!! I don't evenwant to talk to you anymore....but thanks forpretending to be there for me....especially right nowwhen I really need it....you're a great friend!!! Later...
Felicity

Felicity,
what's all this about biting your ass?All I was saying is my thoughts and opinions.. is thatagainst the friend law now?? I told you I wasn't mad..I didnt't think you were a bad person.. I just saidwhat I thought about a few things.. I could have justkept it to myself.. I guess.. but I thought friendswere supposed to talk to each other when they were alittle bit frustrated.. I'm really sorry.. IF I knewyou would be this mad.. I wouldn't have told you.. Ijust thought it would be worse not talking to you..Next time I will just keep it to myself I guess.. I'msorry for upsetting you.. I hope you don't hate me too much..
missy

Missy,
I know that I shouldn't be in the middle, but it turnsout I am. Felicity called me this morning and told meabout the e-mail she sent you. She also wanted toknow if I was mad at her...I said NO. I do feel likeshe never wants to spend time with us, but I stilllike her as a friend. She is a really sweet personand when we do hang out I have a lot of fun. I feelso guilty talking about her yesterday...I guess I wasjust feeling the frustration like you. I just wish wecould start over as all three of us being friends. The past two weekends has been my fault...I had toread my book and I was upset this weekend...so itreally isn't fair of us to say that Felic doesn'twanna hang out with us, because she really has beentrying. As far as the whole money thing goes...thatshouldn't be a requirement for her to be ourfriend...but it does exclude her from a lot of thethings that we wanna go and do. I also feel bad abouther being left out...because she really has been forthe past like month...we always hang out and she can'tor doesn't have the funds to do so...I just feelREALLY REALLY REALLY BAD about the way I've beenacting. I feel like I haven't been that great of afriend, ya know? Its like I'm in the middle and Idon't wanna hurt either one of you...but I really wishwe could go back to the way things were inchemistry...it all seemed so simple then. The things you said to Felic really hurther...she said that she was to the point of tears andthat no one had ever hurt her in that way before. That really says a lot about your guys'friendship...if you ask me...because she cares so muchabout what you think of her that she was really hurtwhen you sent that e-mail. The truth is I can seewhere both of you are coming from...I don't wanna feellike I'm always talking about one or the other ofyou...I wanna be a good friend that you guys cantrust...I just don't wanna talk about other friendsanymore...EVER. If I have a problem with one of youI'm going to tell you straight out and not talk aboutit to the other friend...Maybe we should all adoptthat policy...I know that you are a lot more forwardthan me and Felic, so I don't know if this reallyapplies to you...but...its just a suggestion on how wecould get along better. I think that you and Felic really need to workthis out and talk to each other about the way you arefeeling...through e-mail or the phone. It would alsobe a good idea if you spent some time with just youand Felic...that doesn't mean that I'm sick of you oranything...its just that she feels left out and youguys should patch it up together...by yourselves. Thewhole beach thing is another issue...she is stillgoing to go during spring break...and I think it wouldbe a good idea if we went with her. Her uncle has allthese plans for when we come...going to take us out todinner...give us a place to stay and show us aroundtown. I would feel really bad if Felic had to drivedown there on her own and spend her vacation alonetoo.
luv ya sis
shann

missy,
I'm really glad that we talked last night...it made mefeel a lot better....i guess we'll just forget thewhole Myrtle Beach thing....just until thissummer...it'll give you guys more time to get stufftogether...I called Shann last night to tell her thegood news, but she didn't call me back....I was SOsick though...I felt like I was going to die!! Istill feel bad, I'm not sure why though. Like, mystomach feels woozy and my back is aching...I'm notsure if I'm going to stay home from school or not,probably not. I really need to go. Well, have funtoday and I'll talk to ya' later... Felic

Miss,
Well you should know that its 1:30 and I have nointention of sleeping anytime soon...I have suchguilt. (besides the fact that I got my monthly frienda little bit ago, my stomach is doing turns) I'm notsure if I feel immense guilt or just illness...but Ido feel really really really really really really badbad bad for what I said. I'm sorry...I didn't reallymean it the way it sounded. When I think about what Isaid I guess I said it because I was a little tickedthat you mentioned Mike to Jeff when I didn't want youto. You embarrassed me and I guess I was just tryingto get back at you...I'm really sorry!!! Please don'thate me sis, I love you sooooooo much...I couldn'ttake it if you were mad at me!!! :( I guess that wasreally bitchy of me to say and to tell you the truth Ihave no idea if Jeff likes you are not...there is noway that I could tell having only met him once...butlike I said, you will be able to tell if he likes yousoon enough...but does it really matter that much ifhe likes you? He does seem like a nice guy and he isattractive, but hey, you could get sooooo many otherguys...its not like he's the only one out there thatlikes you and I don't just mean all those "rejects" asyou call them...Missy you are really really reallypretty and I have always thought that...as far asbeing fat you totally aren't!!! It makes me mad whenyou put yourself down!!! I've done that and it justdoesn't help anything!!! True you aren't super skinnylike Sarah or someone, but you wouldn't look the sameall skinnyfied...you are really cute the way youare...you don't have to take my word for it...you canjust take the opinion of the numerous guys that doubleglance when you walk by and the fact that practicallyeveryone at ICT adores you...that says a lot Ithink...I mean hey, they may not be the perfect guysfor you, but they are guys and they know how guysthink and I'll bet a whole lot of other guys think thesame thing about you but just don't say so. I'm so excited about this weekend...you may thinkthat I'm sick of you, but you are sooooo wrong...I'vealways wanted to have a sister and I love it when wespend time together...I'm not all alone like I amsometimes here...my parents aren't really home thatmuch anymore. Plus, you are totally fun to hangaround except for the whole tickling thing, but Iguess I could overlook that!!! LOL We really need tothink of something that Felic could do with us thisweekend...I'm feeling that guilt again for talkingabout her, but not as much as before, because I'mstill a little skeptical about our whole beachplan...but whatever! I just wrote her memory page andI almost started to cry thinking about all the funtimes we used to have...I miss the old FELICITYSOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! I wish she would come back tous!!! Well, you better write me back and I guess I'lltalk to ya sometime tomorrow...
luv ya lots
shann

Miss,
so how is life going for you? is your future startingto look up? I hope so...i would hate to see a smartchick like yourself go crazy! LOLwell i read the remander of sarah's diaryentries...you have to read them...her name ishipdaisy01 and jake writes to her a lot...he even hashis own diary! she talks about me a bunch too...ohwell...i sent her an e-mail trying to fix it so we'llsee...check out my diary at shanngirly and you canleave a note too...ya hoo...loli invited felic to go to the coffee house tom...i justhope she really goes...i'd be sooooo happy and ireally really really want you to go...not just becauseof scott!!!! and you know that silly billy...ok thatwas gay...but its like 1:30 and all common sense hasleft me a loooongggg time ago....well i'll see ya tom at 11
bye bye baaaabbbbyyyyyy
shann

(baby?? what's this/? lol)

Hey Miss,
What's going on? So, are you looking forward tothis trip or what? I am, for many reasons. I thinkthat we've really grown apart and I honestly thinkthat this will give us the chance to feel like bestfriends again. I've really missed being able to tellyou all about stuff and feeling like we're close. Ithink that it'll be a great chance for us. But I feellike if Shann wasn't going, then you wouldn't begoing. I don't want our friendship to be based onwhether Shann's there. I want us to be able to chilland talk without her around....I just really want youto be psyched about this trip. It's going to begreat! I know that you're upset about the program beingcancelled. That really does suck. But I mean, a lotcan happen in two years. You may find another programyou like better, or you may not even want to come backhere at all. If you wanna' talk about it, give me acall. I've got a semi-job interview tonight at 7:30. This woman is looking for someone to baby-sit thissummer from , I think, 8am-6pm, Monday through Friday. She's got an eleven year old and a seven year old. They live in apartments, which have a pool across thestreet! She said they'll spend everyday over there,so all I have to do is lay there and work on mytan....she wants to meet me tonight. I'm prettyexcited. Well, let me know what's going on with yousweety...how come you're so un-loooking forward tothe beach....etc. etc. etc.
Love ya',
Felic

Felicity,
wellll.. It's true.. I wouldn't have gone if Shann didn't go..You know how after a long time of trying to be goodfriends with someone.. and everytime.. somethinghappens.. you just get sooo fed up that you just dont'want to deal with it anymore? If you really want toknow the truth.. that's where I am.. Your a niceperson and all.. but I don't think we're compatible asfriends all the time.. Everytime I turn around.. I have to watch what I saybecause I might hurt your feelings.. I can't just saywhat I feel.. With Shannon.. she understands how Iam.. she knows.. that's just the way it is.. and youhave to look past my words and kind of know what I'mmeaning.. You take everything I say the wrong way..Everytime I tell you something about my feelings of acertain situation.. I say it in certain words.. Isugar coat it.. I say it while reiterating all thefacts of your still my friend your still a goodperson.. yada yada yada.. and I mean it.. but youstill think I"m mad or mean or whatever.. I'm tired ofsugarcoating EVERYTHING I say.. So.. I just stoppedtalking all together.. I find out every now and thenthat certain things you've told me.. you've said theexact opposite to other people.. or that when youdon't want to do something.. YOu'll tell me you reallywant to do it.. but then you'll make up an excuse atthe last minute saying you can't go.. just because youdon't really want to go and you can't tell me to myface that you just don't want to go.. and there'sother things that I just forgot about and I just don'tcare anymore.. Anything I hear anymore just doesn'tphase me at all.. I used to give a damn.. "What?! Shedoesnt' want to work after I got her the jobs... "That was the last situation I cared about.. Everythingafter that.. I would find out something.. say.. "Oh"and go on.. because I just don't care.. point blank...With the fact that I dont hang out with you anymore..Reason: You don't like to do anything.. movies getboring after awhile.. and you fall asleep anyway.. youdon't like to bowl.. you never have money to doanything.. which I dont' care.. but it just means youcan't go.. and that's why we just dont' ask anymore..or.. your always at Jim's.. or you have to go toJim's.. or your allergic to Shann's house.. orsomething.. anything.. it's not your fault that yourallergic to Shann's.. but do you ever ask us overanymore? nooo.. Your parents just don't like me.. point blank.. Me andShann saw your mom at the gas station.. we were like.hey.. she was like.. oh hey.. what are you doing? justgoing to the library.. really.. yea.. and she turnsaround.. doesn't really say anything.. we were like..ok.. bye.. she's like.. bye.. very very impersonable..which doesn't really matter.. just adds to it thatyour parents don't really like me.. I dunno aboutShann.. Let's see.. oh yea.. you said you felt like I calledout of obligation yesterday.. I did.. I felt bad thatI didnt' talk to you anymore.. and I called.. tryingto find something to talk about.. was there anythingto talk about? no.. Basically.. you have changed soooo much from lastyear.. Last year in CHem.. you used to be soo.. "Idon't care what anybody thinks about me.. I am soospontaneous.. Let's go have fun tonight and dosomething wild.. " Now.. "I have to go to Jim's .. Ican't really hang tonight.. I'm just going to go tobed.. I don't feel good.. I don't really want to dowhat you guys want to do.. "That's what shannon and I's relationship is allabout.. compromising.. we have so many similaritiesand so many differences.. she enjoys certain things..and I enjoy certain other things.. If she wants to goto the fatted calf and I don't.. and I want to go tothe bankshot.. and she doesnt'.. we compromise and goboth places.. that's what friendship is all about..and we talk until dawn sometimes.. and we make it apoint to see each other.. or call each other.. or talka lot.. anyways... this is prolly going to hurt yourfeelings.. if it does.. sorry.. but I'm notsugarcoating my feelings for you anymore.. you caneither take my opinions the way they are.. or youdon't have to take them at all.. I honestly wish our friendship was back the way itwas... a freaken year ago.. but it has changedtremendously over the last.. oh.. 9 or 10 months..Maybe we will bond over the beach.. but we have tostart over.. you have to get to know me again. .and Ihave to get to know the new you.. because I know theold you.. and I kept knowing the old you while youwere changing.. then I missed the old you.. and I justkept missing the old you I guess.. because honestly..we don't know each other at all.. so.. if you want tostart over.. just say the words..
miss

Missy,

I DON'T CARE...YADDA...YADDA....YADDA...BLAH...BLAH...BLAH... This is ridiculous!! Why do we have to goback to how you say things...that has nothing to dowith anything!!! And niether does my MOM!!! I knowthat you say what you wanna' say, so here's what Ihave to say... There's a lot of stuff going on thathas to do with why I stopped hanging out withyou...including how you sometimes made me mad and myfears of a Jimmy situation that I've never even toldyou about. I'm still working on the Jimmy stuff, butI'm ove the you stuff.... So I really don'tunderstand where this is coming from. I didn't alwaystell you the truth, because I didn't want to say "I'mafraid that...." Which is where the Jimmy stuff comesin. I didn't think that you'd understand exactly howI was feeling, so I didn't tell you. Recenlty, I'vemoved on, but I've never really had the chance to talkto you about it. I don't invite you guys over becauseI can't. Only on Saturday nights, and I tried thisweekend, but I couldn't find you guys. I'm sorry thatyou feel the way you feel, but it doesn't hurt myfeelings anymore because I don't care either. I amsaying the word. But only if you are willing toforget what happened before and start over again. Ifyou can't do that, then we might as well forget it. I'll check my mail at 2:45, and if you want to let meknow what you want to do by then, that'll be great.Why are you even going to the beach if you don't careanymore. I saw it as a good thing for us, but youobviously don't even want anything to do with ourfriendship anymore....so why did you say you'd go??
Felicity
P.S. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my mom out ofour problems...thanks...

Miss, Well, it is 3:30 in the morning and my crazy buttis still awake...I'm definitely going to be gettingsome good sleep before the beach...lol. So I couldn'tsleep and I thought that I should write you an e-mailsince it has been so long since I've written you. Bythe way...thank Wes for "fixing" your computer forme...lol. And how did you date go? Sorry I wasn'tvery enthusiastic for you...I was just bitter...I wasby myself, my mom was at bingo until 10, my dad wasgone until 12:30, felic was with jimmy and you had adate...I know i'm selfish...but I was feeling sorryfor myself! I really do hope that you had a goodtime...and I really don't want you to get hurt...youdeserve all the happiness in the world!!! And if thatboy hurts you I will have to have a little one on oneconvo with him...LOL...I have to look after my sis! I really do consider you my sister! I have neverhad a friend as good as you! You are truly a BESTFRIEND...and I'm really sorry for all the crap I wascoming off with yesterday...part of it was mymom...the whole alan situation (wich by the way...i'mworking on...i've realized that he was a decentguy..but not suited for me!...lol...i know how crazy Iam...)...anyways...some of the stuff I said was true,but for the most part i was just blowing up and takingsome things out on you...SORRY...PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEEDONT HATE ME...you have no choice but to forgiveme...lol! I do trust you and I don't ever wanna feellike I can't...you have really been there for me. Youare still going to the beach...right? I know wetalked after the fight...but I wasn't sure if you wereover what happened...so you need to let me know! Saturday was a crappy day! I just slept most ofthe day and didn't get anything done! I started to goover past memories...old notes...year books...oh and Ihave something very interesting to share...I found TomColwell's signature in my 9th grade yearbook!!! Ididn't even remember knowing him then! I also foundFelic's signature in my 7 and 8 yearbook...I'll haveto show that to her to prove that we were "friends" injr. high. I also found the e-mail where you weretalking about how my mom had said stuff about yourparents and felic had told you...you mentioned thewhole thing about her saying something else was saidbut that she promised not to tell...I started to crywhile I was reading that...I don't really know whythough...those are just some sore spots I guess idon't really understand that whole thing...i was upsetwhen i read that part about you parents not wanting meto do "certain things" with you...if i ever lost youas a friend...i don't know... Well, now that I've said it all...lol...i guessthis is starting to sound like a love letter...lol! Well, I'll talk to ya...write back or call me...shann
ps...i almost forgot something IMPORTANT i wanted totell you!!! I had a long talk with my mom lastnight...and we talked about getting an apartment whenI graduate together so that we can both get away fromthis house...I've never really talked a lot about mypersonal parental issues...but they have always beenreally close to divorce and I can't stand living hereanymore...I wanna move far away...my mom is in thissituation too...I feel like I would be such a happierperson if i could leave this house...i don't have anygood memories here and i wanna start over! Well...ithink that's about it...but you can't tell ANYONEabout me and my mom...i shouldn't have told you..but ineed someone to talk to ....you can't tell you mom,felic..anyone..i know i'm being dumb...but thiscannotleak out! and i know that i can trust you but ijust wanted to stress the fact that this is serious...
bye bye
SHANN

FOR MY BEST FRIEND

This is for you, my best friend, The one person I can tell my soul to, Who can relate to me like no other, Who I can laugh with to no extents, Who I can cry to when times are tough, Who can help me with the problems of my life.
Never have you turned your back on me, Or told me I wasn't good enough, Or let me down.
I don't think you know what that means to me. You have have so much stress in your life already, yet you still have time for me. And I love you for listening even when inside you are bored to death! And I look up to you because you are strong, caring, and beautiful, Even though you don't think you are.
And I hope you know that I am always here, To listen to you laugh and cry and help In all the ways that I can, And I will try to be at least half the friend you are to me.
I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, without you Shannon,My best friend.

Your sis always,
~miss~ (oh.. was I sappy.. lol)

Miss,
Hey sorry bout last night...you know how I get when aboy is around! LOL...I don't know about him anymorethough...he really didn't get to say all that muchlast night cause he was in a big convo with this guyfrom his choir...oh well...I guess you talked to himabout the prom. Do you think he is going to take me? I really need to know pretty soon...but I guess I'llwait until after we meet on Saturday to see if he isgoing and please do not call him! I don't want him tofeel pressured into taking me...I want him to want totake me! We are meeting on Saturday at the BurgerKing on 7th st. at 1...you are going with me right? Do you think Wes is going to come...if so...would theyget along? I hope I still remember how to playtennis! LOL...I don't think I've forgottenyet...lol...seeing as how I'm sooooo great and I winmedals and shit! LOL You know what...I don't really miss Felic thatmuch at all...I mean it sucks that I don't have anyonein English class to talk to now...but hey...that stuffis almost over...right? So why do I care that I'm abig loser and just have to sit there and stare offinto space since I don't sit around anyone put theice-bitch-princess...anyways...back to the norm...lol:) Oh and by the way!!!! Did you know that Dallasis like a dancer in this show choir thing...he is likereally good...you know how retarted I'm going to feeland look compared to him? well write back soon babes
luv ya
steph (from me: what is this steph stuff?? LOL.. and you actually compared yourself to dallas.. and not being good enough.. how fuckin funny is that?? lol.. if we only knew.. ) ;)

Missy,
I have an open diary too. My name is !LifeLoveHappiness! if you wanna' checkit out. It's not very interesting though. Although,I'm glad that you included me in your "if I could haveany five people in my room right now I'd pick SHANNON'cause she's like my sister.... but whatever... Later... Felicity

Felicity,

Well.. we haven't gotten along in forever.. and Ikind of thought you were ticked at me a littlebit still.. It's just an icky situation for me.. Some peoplethink I should be mad at you and never talk toyou.. but I don't think that it's my business tobe mad at you.. I mean.. it wasn't my car.. andit wasn't my uncle's house.. I was just along forthe trip.. I mean.. yea.. I didnt' want toleave.. but it wasn't really my place to make thedecision.. Some people are mad that I'm eventalking to you.. but I don't know what to thinkabout the whole situation frankly.. and I reallydon't care.. Like it doesn't bother me.. Maybe itshould.. I dunno.. but anything my friends doanymore doesn't phase me at all.. lol.. oh well..I'm just ready to move on to college.. I went toAB today to do my schedule.. Here goes.. Monday, Wed, Fri 9:00am Freshman Comp10:00am Into into the new testament (a mustliberal arts college)noon Anatomy and physiology I3:00am Into to computersTues and THurs9:30am Interpersonal Communication (lib arts)11:00am Chapel Chior (lib arts/no finals!! hehe)only tuesdays 1:00pm to 3:00pm Anat and phys labcrazy stuff!! 17 hours.. grranyways.. talk later..
miss

missy,

Well, you can tell that "someone" that they can kissmy ass! I'm the one who should be mad at you guys! You ditched me....not the other way around...I don'twant friends who can't see that. So I'll make it easyfor you. Have a good life! Don't bother e-mailing mebecause I'm not going to read it....good luck incollege next year. Later...Felicity

Felicity,


OK.. you can kiss MY ASS>.. I have been nothingbut sincere and nice to you... because I ACTUALLYFUCKIN' felt BAD FOR YOU!!!!! well.. that was aload of bullshit.. YOu are a spoiled littlefuckin' princess(or at least you think you are!)who can't stay away from their boyfriend for morethan one fuckin' week... How the hell are yougoing to have a life! Where do you get the nerveto say we kept you from doing stuff.. when yourthe fuckin' bitch who kept US from doing stuff...as I remember correctly... "Felicity.. do youwant to come this afternoon..?? Do you wantanything to eat?? Are you sure you don't wannacome?? It would be fun.... Come on.. "RIIIIIGHT>>> By the fuckin' way.. you didnt' evenpay SHannon back for your.. "DINNER" So.. again..where the fuck do you get off being so mean?? IFanything I should have told your ass off a longtime ago.. but I wasn't sure if I felt like thator not.. but that e-mail did it.. You made up mymind for sure.. IF YOU had the fuckin' chance..you were going to leave US wed.. with "HEATHER"..and you would have ditched us the SECOND you gotthe fuckin' chance.. ANd if you were SOOOOOOsick.. you wouldn't have gone out with amber andyour uncle thurs night.. and you wouldn't haverun to fuckin' Jimmy's the SECOND YOU GOT HOME!YOu would be IN BED.. getting "BETTER".... (ifyou were sick) and as I recall... not a tissuewas used on the way home.. not a cough wascoughed.. not a GROAN was Groaned.. and do youknow how many fuckin' times I had to listen toyou groan, whine, bitch, complain, blow yourfuckin' nose.. sleep on the FUCKING FLOOR and cryyour eyes out for "loverboy".. do you even know??yea.. like 50 times on each subject I justmentioned.. BITCH, COMPLAIN, BITCH, COMPLAIN,BITCH, COMPLAIN.... THAT'S ALLLLL I HEARD.. ...ALLLLLL WEEK! but not on Friday! oh no.. feliciywas fine on friday!.. You are selfish andconceited and you need to open your eyes andrealize what a fuckin' bitch you have become toeveryone and how selfish you've become.. you'velost alll your friends except for Jim.. and Idon't even know why he's still with you becauseyou treat him like shit unless you want to messaround.. You control him like a little fuckin'puppy wrapped around your finger.. he could dosoo much better than what you've become.. Youused to be a sweetheart.. what you've become inthe last 6 months or so.. I'll never figure out..yea.. I hope you read this. and I hope youfuckin' take it to heart.. and I hope you crylike you always try to make us feel bad with your"boohoo" sessions.. well. you deserve this one..you actually deserve more than this from all themonths you've been a bitch and not even cared..but I don't feel like wasting any more energy onyou.. You are sooo two-faced also.. You tried sofuckin' hard to ruin Shannon and I's friendship..You were the fuckin' bitch in the middle of itall from our Clarksburg trip.. We finally put thepieces of the puzzle together.. and realized youwere telling me things that weren't true andexaggerating things I said and making everythinga fucking mess.. Half the stuff you said.. youreally had no right to say.. (with Shannon'sbrother's threats and her parents.. yada yada)but that's not even the point.. The point is yourselfish.. and you need to come off your littlepedastal and come back to fuckin' earth.. or elseyou won't have any friends whatsoever and if Jimever realizes what he COULD have.. you won't evenhave him to control.. THen your going to end up alonely old woman that lived a rough life becauseshe was too selfish for anyone to endure in along amount of time.. Hope this opens your eyes..If not.. I'm sorry for what's ahead.. tata for now..

Pfuckin'S: I want my skirt that I know youhave..and I also want my fuckin' make-up.. andshannon wants her blue dress and white shirt thatyou borrowed a year ago.. if we don't get them inthe next week.. expect a call from our parents..have a good day.. :)

Also.. .. I don't need your good luck's for college..your the one who needs a miracle just to get yourass to class.... YOur the one that needs the luckon even getting to college next year.. so.. GOODFUCKIN' LUCK!

missy



missy,

I'm sorry, I don't have your dress or Shannon's stuff. I gave you your skirt back the night after thefuneral. Your parents can call if they want. I don'thave it...or your make-up. If I had it, I'd give it back...

Felicity

Missy,
Look, I wasn't trying to be mean when I wrote thate-mail. I just didn't want you to feel like you hadto be friends with me out of obligation or something. You kind of sounded like you couldn't decide whetheror not you should be mad at me or even friends withme. I just wanted to make it easier on you and yourfriendship with Shannon. I hope that you don't reallythink all of the stuff that you said in your e-mail. I know that you were pretty pissed, so I didn't reallytake it to heart. I'd hate to see our friendship endlike this. I don't want to end up hating each other. But, if you really do feel like you said you did, thenI guess its going to end like that anyways. I REALLYdon't have your stuff. I swear. So, can we at leasttalk about this? I'm not mad about what happened atthe beach, I just didn't see why there was any reasonfor you to be mad at me. I wasn't going to "ditch"you guys. I just was sick!! I had been taking coughmedicine for a whole five days, that's why I didn'tblow my nose on the way back from the beach. Icouldn't eat, because I was still sick to my stomachthough. And I went to Jimmy's as soon as we got back,because his dad was REALLY sick and has recently endedup in the hospital, with what they thought was a heartattack. And I didn't go out with Chad and Amber thatThursday night. I stayed at her house the whole nightand watched tv. When I said I felt like you guysditched me, I was talking about Thursday when I didn'thear from you guys. I just got defensive, because Ididn't see why you had a reason to be mad about measking to leave a day early when all you had to do waslisten to me talk to know I wasn't faking. It hadnothing to do with wanting to go home and see Jimmy,although I know that's what you think. It didn't. Iwas seriously sick. The reason I got so sick isbecause I'm allergic to everything, and I have to goget blood tests and shots soon. So, I hope I coveredeverything you mentioned. If you wanna' talk, eithercall me, or e-mail me. Felic
P.S. When I wished you good luck at college nextyear, I was being very sincere. I really hope you dowell. I admire you for being able to leave behindeverything you know and start over again. I think I'dbe too scared. The reason I haven't been going toclasses, is because I've arranged to take my finals atdifferent times because of work. Except Psych....I'vebeen spending time with Jimmy in the mornings becauseof his dad and all....but they found out that it'semphysema..not his heart...so that's very good...

Felicity,
I wrote that e-mail because of what I read fromyou.. When I said I wouldn't decide what to do..I was meaning I couldn't decide how to deal withshannon's feelings and still be able to stay outof it.. Not whether or not to be friends withyou.. The reason Shannon was mad and I was alittle urked about the beach and leaving a dayearly was because every time we all three hangout.. there is always an excuse for not doing itor leaving early.. and we were basically sick ofit.. and at Myrtle Beach.. and felt like beingselfish.. The letter I wrote a few days ago wasmostly out of stress and due to the fact that Ihad a bad day.. The "fuckin's" were uncalledfor.. lol.. Some of it was meant.. Some of it wasexaggerated a bit.. Most was out of anger at thethought of you being sarcastic to me in yourprevious e-mail and knowing that I had beennothing but nice and neutral towards you andthinking I didn't deserve the attitude.. If youwould have just "talked" about this a long timeago.. we all still wouldn't be fighting.. Ibelieve you don't have my stuff and I don'treally care.. If you know me.. YOu would knowthat I would never just be friends with someonebecause I feel obligated.. lol.. Never.. If I'mfriends with someone.. it's because I truly wantto be friends with them.. Now, Granted I'm in atough situation.. because Shannon doesnt' agreewith me.. but she doesn't influence mydecisions.. well.. I have to go.. I'll talk more later miss

Missy,
I'm glad Shannon isn't influencing this. I don't wantto come between you, so whatever you decide is fine. I just don't want to not be able to be in the sameroom. I want to know that you're not talking badabout me behind my back...'cause I'm not talking badabout you. I just at least want to end on decent,still can talk to each other, kind of terms. I don'twant to "talk" to Shannon anymore. That has nothingto do with you though. I just don't feel the need tosave that friendship. But I don't want it tointerfere with the two of you. I wasn't trying tosound sarcastic in that e-mail. I guess I can see howyou'd take it that way though. I'm sorry that youtook it the wrong way. I was Really being sincere. Ijust don't feel like it's my fault I get sick. I havea horribly weak immune system...and my allergies andasthma make everything ten times worse...they cause meto get colds all the time. I can't help that. Idon't feel like I should have go apologize for that. Well, I'm glad that you're not quite so mad now. Talkto ya' more later... Felicity

Missy, I just wanted to tell you that I read the e-mail you sent Felicity, and I'm not supposed to be saying anything about it, because for some fucked up reason, she still wants to be friends with you. I just wanted to let you know that Felicity is the best thing thats ever happened to me. She DOES NOT control me at all. And I love her. I COULD NOT do better than her. She's so sweet and so funny and no one could possibly make me feel more alive than her. If YOU were smart, you'd get your head out of SHANNON'S ASS and realize that you're loosing a great friend.

Later, Jim


Jim,
Look.. i can see where you think I'm a bitchright now.. I really can.. I had no right to sayany of that.. and I completely appologize.. Allof that was said out of anger.. I just wantedsomething to come back on.. And I really couldn'tthink of anything but the trip.. and I pulledstuff out of my ass basically.. I really am sorryfor what I said.. and I hope when you remember myname in the long future that you don't rememberme as the bitch.. :( I'm truly sorry.
missy

Felicity,
I know you have a weak immune system.. and Ishould be more understanding.. It's just hardsometimes.. I do want you to know that I hadn'ttalked behind your back until I read the e-mail Ithought was sarcastic.. and the next day .. afterI wrote it.. I reread it and felt horrible.. Iseriously felt like the worst person on the faceof the planet.. I could have told my feelings ina more mature way instead of sounding vulgar andevil.. Before the e-mail I would rarely voice myopinion on the issue.. but I would listen toShann because tha'ts what friends do of course..Sometimes I would take up for you a little bitand she would get mad.. other times I would justsit there and listen... I don't want to haveanother enemy.. But it's also very hard being inthe middle of two friendships.. Wait.. let merephrase that.. It's just hard being in themiddle of two friendships.. I'll always befriends with Shann.. and I'll always consider youa friend too.. We just don't hang that much..So.. I'm always with Shann.. well.. I'm glad this is pretty much resolved..and I do appologize again for the e-mail I sent..
miss